Clownhouse vs. A Nightmare On Elm Street 2: Freddy's Revenge

Okay, so we’ve got a movie about killer clowns (from the friendly neighborhood mental asylum, not outer space) terrorizing children and a movie about an undead serial killer (who in subsequent installments of the series became more and more clownish) terrorizing children. Doesn’t sound like much basis for comparison, does it?

Here’s how Clownhouse starts: Casey (Nathan Forrest Winters) wakes from a horrible nightmare to realize he didn’t just pee his pants in his dream. It’s time to get up for school (grade school, that is – Casey looks 10-ish) so with Milhouse-like efficiency, he trades his soggy draws for a fresh pair of tighty-whiteys and starts unmaking his bed.

And here’s how Nightmare 2 starts: Jesse (Mark Patton) wakes from a horrible nightmare to realize he’s covered in glycerin. I mean sweat. It’s time to get up for school (high school, that is, not the trade tech college he looks old enough to attend) so he collects himself … by reaching into his tighty-whiteys for a gratuitously realistic readjustment of the goods.

I promise this isn’t a review of an odd obsession I have for boys in tighty-whiteys (save us the trouble: go commando.)

Both these movies are billed as “horror”, but neither is scary – unless you’re like me, and find it creepy that we’re seeing two ostensibly under-18 boys (Winters was 14, Patton was … erm, 21) in their skivvies. And both movies further sexualize these characters.

Ew.

Unlike Clownhouse, Nightmare 2 doesn’t have a sinister backstory, aside from the fact that it was written by someone in New Line’s marketing department (shudder.) But it does feature one of the more blatantly chicken hawkin’ high school coaches in movie history. In one of Jesse’s increasingly vivid dreams, after running into Coach Schneider at a gay bar, they head back to the high school so Jesse can “hit the showers.” We don’t see what happened between the bar and the gym, but we can guess. Coach gets his, though, when Freddy ties him up with jump ropes and flogs him with towels (don’t ask) before slashing the shit out of him.

Clownhouse is absolutely dull once the escaped mental patients go undercover as clowns and inexplicably go after Casey. However, the story behind the movie makes it a lot more disturbing than it has the right to be.

For Clownhouse was directed by one Victor Salva. Salva is a convicted pedophile: Link
The news broke when Salva’s follow-up movie, Powder, came out – released by Disney, no less. Perplexingly, the scandal faded and Salva is still getting work today.

And Salva’s victim? Nathan Forrest Winters. Still want to see Clownhouse? Want to see Winters take a bath?

Yeah, me neither.

Fast Forward Rating: Clownhouse: I don’t recommend watching it at all, honestly. N/R
A Nightmare On Elm Street 2: Depends on your tolerance, but don’t miss the exploding lorikeet scene. 30%

Drinks: Turpentine

Jeers to Clownhouse and a meh for A Nightmare On Elm Street 2

Incidentally, neither Winters nor Patton did another movie after their respective star turns above.

Here's Salva's supposedly "first interview ever," circa 1999.