Reform School Girls

Year: 1986
Director: Tom DeSimone
Cast: Wendy O. Williams, Sybil Danning, Pat Ast, Linda Carol

Billy's take: Just caught this one a couple of nights ago for the first time. Gidg and DB and I were having our semi-weekly dinner/bad movie night, and decided to do a Sybil Danning theme. For those not familiar (shame on you!), Sybil is a sexy Austrian amazon who was featured in such classics as "Battle Beyond theStars," "Chained Heat" (I'll have to post something about that one soon!), "Warrior Queen," and most famously "Howling II: Your Sister is a Werewolf."

Unfortunately for Sybil fans, her exposure in "Reform School Girls" is pretty limited. She plays the Bible-thumping, platinum helmet-haired warden at the reform school, which is populated by "underage" girls who look to be in their mid-twenties and up (and in the case of star Wendy O. Williams, formerly of the Plasmatics punk rock band, pushing forty). These chicks spend most of the movie wearing the finest in mid-80s Frederick's of Hollywood lingerie.

The movie follows standard women-in-prison formula: new girl shows up in prison, gets harrassed by everyone--guards, the head matron (the way way over-the-top Pat Ast, who looks and sounds just like Divine in "Hairspray", but is actually a biological woman, I think), and the nasty prison gang who are in cahoots with Pat, which is led by Wendy O.Williams, sporting what Gidg affectionately calls "Butter Face" ("She's totally hot--but her face!").

The situation deteriorates with abuse after abuse committed against our heroine and her "good" friends until finally all hell breaks loose in a prison riot. Yay! The main girl in the movie (Linda Carol) is pretty but incredibly bland. As stated before, Sybil isn't given a whole lot to do (possibly because of a behind-the-scenes feud with Wendy). But it doesn't really matter if she's a bore, because we get two-scenery chewers extraordinaire in Pat and Wendy.

Compared to some other WIP movies, "Reform School Girls" is pretty tame in the violence and brutality department, but cat lovers (like Gidg) will need to avert their eyes when Pat squishes (out of frame) a little kitty with her big crepe-souled orthopedic shoe.

A new feature of the reviews in this blog will be the"Fast Forward Rating," which is the approximate percentage of the movie we had to fast forward through to get through it. I'm proud to report that Reform School Girls gets the highest rating--a 0!

Drinks: We watched Reform School Girls with lambrusco (a sweeter Italian red wine) to start. Then Mondo Erek joined us, and we had a little bit of everything--vodka for Gidg and I, beers and whisky for DB and Erek.

Cheers to Reform School Girls!