Beyond the Valley of the Dolls

Year: 1970
Director: Russ Meyer
Cast: Dolly Read, Cynthia Myers, Marcia McBroom, John LaZar, David Gurian, Edy Williams, Erica Gavin, Phyllis Davis

This is a real gem!

Not so much a sequel to the original Valley of the Dolls, as a reworking of the basic theme, which is "Three hot chicks move to the big city and get into all kinds of trouble." In this case our three are the members of the rock band "The Kelly Affair"--Kelly (Dolly Read), Casey (Cynthia Myers), and Pet (Marcia McBroom). Tired of playing stuffy senior proms, they pack up their VW van along with their manager and Kelly's sort-of boyfriend Harris (David Gurian) and head out to sunny LA in a stunning opening montage. Once there, they hook up with Kelly's rich Aunt Susan (Phyllis Davis), the sweet owner of a fashion house, and are introduced to Ronnie "Z-Man" Barzell (John LaZar) , an androgynous and eccentric music impressario and partymeister. He rechistens our girls "The Carrie Nations," and they achieve instant success. But not without paying a heavy price...

Operating with the philosophy of "More is More," director Russ Meyer (whose other outstanding achievement is the stunning Faster, Pussycat! Kill! Kill!) and screenwriter Roger Ebert (yes, that Roger Ebert!) fill the screen with bright colors, lots of skin, huge ratted-out bouffant hairdos (which were on the way out by 1970, when the film was released), musical numbers, tripped-out orgies, suicide attempts, gory murders, and recovery from paralysis. Not to mention near-iconic bits of dialogue from the likes of Z-Man ("It's my happening, and it freaks me out!") or Meyer's soon-to-be second wife, Edy Williams, who as nymphomaniacal porn star Ashley St. Ives has the best line of the film: "I'd like to strap you on sometime!"

Of course, it goes without saying that the "more" philosophy also extends to the endowments of the female members of the cast. Meyer's obsession with breasts assures us that all of the female leads and supporting cast members are amply stacked. (Dolly Read and Cynthia Myers are also both former Playboy Playmates.)

BVD is possibly the most genre-bending film of all time. By turns, a musical, a sex comedy, a horror film, and a soap opera, it is probably best described as a parody of a soap opera with extra T&A and gore thrown in for exploitation value. Performances are uniformly over-the-top, with LaZar and Williams going for broke. Read is perfectly obnoxious as the alternately sweet and selfish Kelly, and watching her pseudo-American accent (Read is British) fluctuate in and out would make for a fun drinking game. " She said 'STRAW-breeze' instead of 'strawBERRIES'--take a drink! 'AWNT Susan' instead of 'ANT Susan'--take another. 'HOF' instead of 'HALF'--and on and on and on.

Fast Forward Rating. You won't need to at all: 0%!

Drinks: Cocktails would do this film proud. A martini, J&B on the rocks, or a Harvey Wallbanger.

Cheers to Beyond the Valley of the Dolls!

Reform School Girls

Year: 1986
Director: Tom DeSimone
Cast: Wendy O. Williams, Sybil Danning, Pat Ast, Linda Carol

Billy's take: Just caught this one a couple of nights ago for the first time. Gidg and DB and I were having our semi-weekly dinner/bad movie night, and decided to do a Sybil Danning theme. For those not familiar (shame on you!), Sybil is a sexy Austrian amazon who was featured in such classics as "Battle Beyond theStars," "Chained Heat" (I'll have to post something about that one soon!), "Warrior Queen," and most famously "Howling II: Your Sister is a Werewolf."

Unfortunately for Sybil fans, her exposure in "Reform School Girls" is pretty limited. She plays the Bible-thumping, platinum helmet-haired warden at the reform school, which is populated by "underage" girls who look to be in their mid-twenties and up (and in the case of star Wendy O. Williams, formerly of the Plasmatics punk rock band, pushing forty). These chicks spend most of the movie wearing the finest in mid-80s Frederick's of Hollywood lingerie.

The movie follows standard women-in-prison formula: new girl shows up in prison, gets harrassed by everyone--guards, the head matron (the way way over-the-top Pat Ast, who looks and sounds just like Divine in "Hairspray", but is actually a biological woman, I think), and the nasty prison gang who are in cahoots with Pat, which is led by Wendy O.Williams, sporting what Gidg affectionately calls "Butter Face" ("She's totally hot--but her face!").

The situation deteriorates with abuse after abuse committed against our heroine and her "good" friends until finally all hell breaks loose in a prison riot. Yay! The main girl in the movie (Linda Carol) is pretty but incredibly bland. As stated before, Sybil isn't given a whole lot to do (possibly because of a behind-the-scenes feud with Wendy). But it doesn't really matter if she's a bore, because we get two-scenery chewers extraordinaire in Pat and Wendy.

Compared to some other WIP movies, "Reform School Girls" is pretty tame in the violence and brutality department, but cat lovers (like Gidg) will need to avert their eyes when Pat squishes (out of frame) a little kitty with her big crepe-souled orthopedic shoe.

A new feature of the reviews in this blog will be the"Fast Forward Rating," which is the approximate percentage of the movie we had to fast forward through to get through it. I'm proud to report that Reform School Girls gets the highest rating--a 0!

Drinks: We watched Reform School Girls with lambrusco (a sweeter Italian red wine) to start. Then Mondo Erek joined us, and we had a little bit of everything--vodka for Gidg and I, beers and whisky for DB and Erek.

Cheers to Reform School Girls!

Dunderklumpen!

This 1974 Swedish film is soooo sooooo fun! A mix of live action and animation, it tells the story of the title character, a goofy hobo/vagabond who likes to sing and dance even though he's kind of sad and above all, lonely. So on the evening of the longest day of the year he goes to little Jens's house and brings a few of his stuffed animals to life--a bunny, a lion cub, a doll, and a bear. He then proceeds to "kidnap" the toys, and Jens goes on the run with his pet goat (!) to track him down. Jens's dad is, of course, worried about his little boy (although not horribly worried), and enlists the help of a bumblebee detective (who wears a trenchcoat à la Columbo) to help find him.

A picaresque adventure/road trip movie that will remind viewers of Neverending Story (but not as scary) or Triplets of Belleville (but geared more towards children), the movie's primary strengths are in the animation, which is very 70's and very anti-Disney, and the gorgeous scenery of northern Sweden. The animated characters are all kind of scruffy and shabby and sweet, especially the adorable Lionel, the lion cub. The cinematography, although marred a bit by an old and slightly murky video transfer, still manages to show Sweden's lush forests and lakes to great effect. Also worth mentioning are legendary harmonica man Toots Thieleman's folsky/jazzy score and goofy songs which add to the carefree feel of the film. I've only managed to see an English-dubbed version of this on the old Video Gems label, but I think the songs and voices are done remarkably well.

I'm not sure why, but sometimes when I get home from a night out and am a little buzzed, I have an overwhelming urge to watch a children's movie from the 70s. Between this and the old Pippi Longstocking movies, it seems like the Swedes have mastered the drinkin' children's movie--one part goofy animation plus one part gorgeous travelogue plus one part silly songs plus wacked out Scandinavian Mentos-commercial humor equals one helluva good time!

Skål!

The IMDB page:
http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0071448/combined

A page in Swedish about the film with cool pics:
http://www.pennfilm.se/Dunderklumpen.html

Billy Farquhar